Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”.
But what does it truly mean to understand oneself beyond superficial preferences of favorite color or food?
To be yourself and own who you are means to accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all, and live on your terms.
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Why Is The Psychology Of Being Yourself?
Be yourself! Two powerful words that feel good to hear but are too complicated to comprehend.
Because every person reflects their environment, other people, and their behaviors being a part of that environment.
This is the basic concept that forms the theory of self psychology. (1)
This theory, for which we are ever indebted to Heinz Kohut, helps us understand how our sense of self starts developing from early childhood.
He believed that our early experiences with caregivers shape our self-perception.
It is based on experiences that are essential for our psychological health (self-objects), positive reinforcements to develop a sense of worth (mirroring), and idealized parental image.
For instance, if a child is not appreciated for a good deed, he ends up having low self-esteem as compared to a child who knows his worth because he was appreciated. (1)
But this ‘seeing yourself in others’ does not stop at childhood, as humans are social creatures.
Beyond childhood, the psychology of being yourself gets more complex as our sense of self continues to evolve through interactions with others and our cultural context.
While we share common experiences and beliefs, our unique perspectives, interpretations, and feelings define our individual identities.
So the focus should never be on creating a new identity but on enriching the one we already possess that is hindered or overwhelmed by our surroundings. (2)
What Does It Mean To Be Yourself & Own Who You Are?
You probably heard about ‘living under someone’s shadow’.
Or maybe even experienced it. It’s one consequence of what happens when you are not being yourself. Let me explain this with a personal, embarrassing example.
I spent most of my high school living in the shadow of someone just because I was not being my true self, which I later explored thanks to my beautiful friends.
In the classroom, whenever my teacher said ‘no question is stupid, so ask away’, I could never let go of my fear of humiliation.
Whereas, my “so-called best friend” of that time, never hesitated to put my queries labeling as hers, only to receive applause in every class.
I would always be left with this immense FOMO (and that’s why I hate my high school memories).
In university, I decided to let go of that baseless fear and only then I realized what it truly meant to be yourself and own who you are.
It is embracing yourself, including flaws and all, that gives you more freedom, so you make choices as you like and live on your own terms. (3)
Science Backed Benefits Of Being Yourself
Authenticity, the cornerstone of self-actualization, is more than just a buzzword; it’s a powerful force that can shape your life in profound ways.
Science has consistently shown that being true to yourself can lead to a multitude of benefits, both personally and professionally.
Studies have shown that people who feel comfortable expressing their true selves tend to experience greater happiness and satisfaction in life.
This authenticity also plays a crucial role in building strong relationships. (4)
People are drawn to authenticity because it fosters trust, respect, and genuine connection. When you’re authentic, you create a safe and inviting space for others to be themselves as well. (5)
Besides these benefits, research suggests that authenticity can also enhance power and leadership.
When people perceive you as genuine and authentic, they are more likely to trust and respect you. This can lead to increased influence and opportunities for leadership. (6)
Remember, being yourself is not about conforming to societal expectations or trying to be someone you’re not. It’s about embracing your individuality and living a life that is true to your values and passions.
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How To Own Who You Are – 6 Important Steps
Now that we have grasped the basic concepts and reasoning of being yourself and owning who you are, let’s look at a step-by-step guide on how to do it.
Step 1 – Reflect On Your Values
Understanding your core values is fundamental to owning who you are. These values are the guiding principles that shape your decisions and actions.
To identify how to be yourself and your values, consider the qualities you admire in others, the causes you care about, and the experiences that bring you meaning.
Once you’ve identified your values, assess how your current actions align with them. Are you living in accordance with your beliefs?
If not, what changes can you make to bring your life into alignment with your values?
But how to be yourself when you don’t know who you are or are unsure of your values? Don’t worry! Self-discovery is a lifelong process.
Sometimes, it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what matters most to you.
Here are a few strategies to help you figure out how to be yourself when you don’t know who you are or what are your core values:
- Reflect on your past: Think about the experiences that have shaped you and the lessons you’ve learned. What values have emerged from these experiences?
- Consider your role models: Who do you admire and respect? What qualities do they possess that you value?
- Pay attention to your emotions: What makes you feel passionate, inspired, or fulfilled? These emotions can often point to your underlying values.
- Seek guidance: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or mentors for their perspectives on your values.
- Experiment and explore: Try different things and see what resonates with you. This can help you discover your passions and values.
Remember, your values may evolve over time. It’s important to revisit and reflect on them regularly to ensure they continue to reflect on your authentic self.
Step 2 – Find Your Passion
Discovering your passions is like uncovering hidden treasures. It’s a journey of self-discovery that can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
To identify your passions, start by exploring your interests and hobbies. What activities make you lose track of time?
What subjects do you find yourself naturally drawn to?
Once you’ve narrowed down your interests, consider the skills and talents you possess. Are there any areas where you excel naturally?
Combining your passions with your strengths can lead to a fulfilling and rewarding path.
Don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things. Sometimes, you may discover a passion you never knew you had. Be open to exploring different areas and following your curiosity.
Remember, pursuing your passions doesn’t have to be a grand endeavor.
Even small steps towards your goals can bring immense joy and satisfaction. So, take the time to explore your passions, and let them guide you towards a more fulfilling life.
Step 3 – Learn To Be Comfortable With Your Unique Personality
Every individual is a masterpiece, a unique blend of traits and qualities that set them apart. Embracing your individuality is essential for self-acceptance, personal growth, and living a fulfilling life.
Instead of comparing yourself to others and striving for perfection, focus on celebrating your unique strengths and quirks.
Each person has their own unique talents and gifts, and it’s important to recognize and appreciate your own.
Here are some practical tips to help you embrace your individuality:
- What makes you stand out from the crowd? What are your strengths and passions?
- Don’t be afraid to embrace your quirks and eccentricities. They make you who you are.
- Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the same compassion you would show a friend.
- Let go of perfectionism and allow yourself to make mistakes.
- Find outlets for your creativity, whether it’s through art, music, writing, or other forms of expression.
Remember, there is no “right” way to be. Your individuality is what makes you special and valuable.
Embrace your differences and let your authentic self shine through. When you’re comfortable with who you are, you’ll be more confident, resilient, and able to navigate life’s challenges with ease.
Embrace your unique personality and be the shining, guiding star in your own life.
Step 4 – Build Self-Confidence
Self-confidence is essential for owning who you are. It is the cornerstone of personal empowerment.
It’s about believing in your abilities and trusting your judgment. To build self-confidence, focus on your achievements, no matter how small.
Celebrate your successes and acknowledge your progress.
Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations. You can choose one of these 140 New Year Affirmations each day to repeat. Also, surround yourself with supportive people who believe in you.
Try new things and step outside of your comfort zone. Overcoming such challenges can boost your self-confidence and belief in your abilities.
View setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning. Instead of dwelling on your mistakes, focus on what you can learn from them and move forward with renewed determination.
Set achievable goals that align with your values and aspirations. Celebrate your progress towards these goals, no matter how small the steps may seem.
And remember, self-confidence is a journey, not a destination. It takes time and practice to develop.
Step 5 – Build Positive Connections
Strong relationships are essential for our well-being. Building meaningful connections with others can provide support, companionship, and a sense of belonging.
Seek out opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals who share your interests and values.
Trust and respect are essential for building strong relationships. Make sure to be reliable while being yourself. Try these activities to build positive connections:
- Volunteer your time to a cause you care about. Giving back to your community can be incredibly rewarding and help you meet new people who share your values.
- Attend social events and gatherings. Put yourself out there and meet new people. Attend parties, networking events, or community gatherings.
- Use social media wisely. While social media can be a great way to connect with people, it’s important to use it mindfully. Engage in meaningful conversations, share your thoughts and experiences, and connect with people who inspire you.
- Be open and approachable. Show genuine interest in others and make an effort to listen actively. People are more likely to connect with you if you make them feel valued and appreciated.
- Celebrate your differences. Embrace the diversity of people in your life. Celebrate your differences and learn from each other.
Remember, building strong relationships takes time and effort. Be patient, persistent, and open to new connections. The rewards of having strong relationships in your life are immeasurable.
Step 6 – Self-Care Is A No-Brainer
Self-care isn’t just about pampering yourself; it’s a fundamental aspect of owning who you are.
Prioritizing self-care activities nourishes your body and mind, enabling you to live a more fulfilling and balanced life.
Here are some essential self-care practices to incorporate into your daily routine:
- Nourish your body: Fuel your body with nutritious foods, stay hydrated, and get enough sleep.
- Move your body: Regular physical activity boosts your mood, energy levels, and overall health.
- Mindful moments: Practise mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing to reduce stress and improve focus.
- Connect with nature: Spend time outdoors, surrounded by nature’s beauty and tranquillity.
- Nurture your relationships: Invest time in building and maintaining meaningful connections with loved ones.
- Pursue your passions: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
- Set boundaries: Learn to say no to commitments that drain your energy.
- Seek support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support when needed.
- Practice gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life and express gratitude for what you have.
- Rest and relaxation: Make time for downtime and activities that help you unwind and recharge.
Experiment with different practices to find what works best for you. Check out this blog on self care routines that you can follow to be your authentic self → 99 Self Care Saturdays Ideas For A Weekly Cleansing.
Additional Thoughts
Seeking Professional Support
If you find yourself struggling with self-discovery, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support, and valuable insights into your personal journey.
They can help you identify any underlying issues that may be hindering your progress and offer strategies for overcoming them.
Patience and Persistence
Remember, self-discovery is a process, not a destination. It takes time and effort to uncover your true self.
Be patient with yourself and don’t get discouraged if you don’t see immediate results. Celebrate your small victories along the way and stay focused on your long-term goals.
Reflect On Your Journey
Take time for introspection and reflection. Journaling is a great way to connect with your true self and can also provide valuable insights into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
Pay attention to your inner voice and trust your intuition. Express self love with these 99 Self-Love Journal Prompts.
Embrace The Path To Self Discovery
The journey of self-discovery is an opportunity for personal growth and fulfilment. Enjoy exploring your unique qualities and passions.
Embrace the challenges and setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth.
Owning Yourself Is A LifeLong Journey
So if you are still wondering how to be yourself, the answer is owning yourself is a daily practice.
It requires conscious effort and daily commitment. Remember, you deserve to be heard, loved, and happy. Don’t dim your sparkle by pretending to be someone you’re not.
In a world that often values conformity, be the change. Embrace your authenticity and live your life on your own terms.
As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, “Do not let anyone tell you that you cannot do something. Remember, the world is shaped by those who dare to think they can.”
Own who you are, not only to empower yourself but also to inspire others to do the same.
